My Día De Muertos Inspired Marriage Proposal
My fiancé and I watched
Disney Pixar’s “Coco” and
CRIED. LIKE. BABIES.
Both of us. Sobbing. Like babies.
We loved the animation (I mean duh, it’s Pixar), how tenderly they told the story, and how beautifully they portrayed the culture and the holiday — which revolves poignantly around the love and importance of family.
I was a Spanish major at college, and spent the better part of high school and my undergrad years taking different Spanish language & culture classes; so I was familiar with Día de Muertos and its sociocultural significance — but in a textbook sense. I had never experienced it in anything other than a classroom.
And let’s admit. . . while watching the movie Coco 50+ times isn’t firsthand experiencing it, either, the movie was enough of an introduction for us to truly fall in love with Day of the Dead, or as its known in Mexico: Día de Muertos.
What is Day Of The Dead, you ask?
Día de Muertos is a holiday that lasts for several days- usually starting around October 31 and culminating on November 2.
These days are believed (by many cultures) to be the days where the veil between the human and spirit world is at its thinnest, and when our ancestors and loved ones who have passed on can return to visit us. In America we know it more as Halloween, based from All Hallow’s Eve — but in Mexico and Latin America the holiday shines a focus on the celebration of life and death.
Throughout lots of Mexico and other countries, Day of the Dead is a beautifully colored celebration where each family builds “ofrendas”, or offerings that serve as altars where they can honor their families. A photo of each loved one is displayed along with offerings of food, drink, and other mementos that were special to that loved one. It is also common to visit the burial places of family and loved ones, where gravesites are decorated with marigolds and candles are lit, helping family members pay homage and tribute into the night.
The first video has absolutely gorgeous imagery to give you an idea of what the festivities look like in Mexico:
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There was a lump of emotion in my throat throughout half of Coco. Though I’ll admit, that’s pretty standard for anything sweet, tender, sentimental; I’m a huge sucker + sap and cry at Subaru commercials. But I wasn’t alone this time. The film overflows with such a love for family that it overwhelmed us both. By the time we got to the end of the film I was heaving guttural sobs while my fiancé failed at choking back tears.
We love Halloween. . .
It’s kind of our kickoff to the holiday season, and has always been one of our favorites to celebrate together. One year we dressed up as Squints and Wendy Peffercorn from The Sandlot. (A rave hit.) Another year we dressed up as Marv and Harry, aka “The Wet Bandits” from Home Alone. (A rave smash top hit.) One year we threw a party in our apartment and made a fake body bag and stuffed it in the shower, freaking out any + all who had to use the bathroom to pee. (It worked well. People asked us not to do it again.)
But after seeing Coco we were so struck by how beautiful Day Of The Dead was, we knew we wanted to take Halloween, that holiday that we loved so much, and celebrate it a new way.
Fast forward a few months. . .
We didn’t know it when we first watched Coco early in the Summer of 2018 — but our lives would soon be uprooted and we’d move across the country.
My fiancé got a great job offer in Bend Oregon, and within a matter of weeks (and what felt like the blink of an eye) we’d accepted the offer, packed up our lives in Richmond Virginia, and driven thousands of miles to a state we’d never even really been to yet. Good thing Oregon is awesome!
>> If you want to read more about our cross-country road trip adventure —with our sedated cat in tow — check out my blog post here:
“All The Fun Of The Oregon Trail - Without The Dysentery”
We made it to Bend on August 7th. Just writing that sounds fulfilling in an “Oregon Trail” sense. . . But no, I just remember it because it was the day before my brother’s birthday and it was, I think, 103 degrees outside.
Within a few weeks we were both settled and working at our new jobs and still wide-eyed tourists getting to know our little town. We were doing our best to get out and hike and explore almost every weekend, because we could already tell in our Southern little bones that the cold was coming just around the corner. A new PNW cold that we weren’t used to yet.
As August turned to September and September turned to October, and early October turned to mid-October, we’d completely forgotten about upcoming Día de Muertos and about reaching out to our families for the photos that we needed to build our ofrenda. It didn’t phase me too much — we’d been busy having fun and exploring, plus Kevin would be gone at the end of October anyways. I resigned that we would just do it next year with better planning.
Kevin flew back to Virginia the last week of October for a friend’s wedding, and since we were just getting settled after having made a big move from VA to OR, money was tight and I stayed at home.
I picked him up at the airport about a week later; he flew in around in dinnertime on October the 30th. I was just happy he’d be home by Halloween so at least if we wanted to go out somewhere fun, we would be together.
After only having been home a few hours he told me he needed to run up to Walgreen’s for some eye contact solution. Couldn’t it wait? I thought. He wasn’t completely out he was just almost out. But me being me, I didn’t think too much of it. He got back within an hour, and we spent the rest of the night talking about his trip home and snuggled on the couch watching movies. I’d taken the next day off to do Halloweeny things, but he had to be back at work - so we went to bed like good little responsible adults.
I woke up to Kevin knelt down beside me, gently rubbing my shoulder to get me awake. “Good morning! Do you want to come downstairs and hang out with me for a little before I have to go to work all day?”
(Knowing what this moment was and looking back on it now — I still laugh and say to him: “Aren’t you glad I woke up pleasantly and agreed to come hang out with you?” I had missed him being away for a week and, fortunately, was sweet to him. I could imagine some mornings it probably wouldn't go down that way!)
He left me alone to get out of bed groggily and get myself dressed. Without brushed teeth or hair or a face suitable to take into a public space, I pulled on my giant black fuzzy bathrobe and made my way toward the staircase to go downstairs. I took two steps out of our bedroom doorway, and I saw them.
Orange petals.
I immediately started to cry because I thought — most simply — that he had gotten marigolds and built our Día de Muertos ofrenda. Which was true. . .
Handfuls of orange petals led a trail from our bedroom door downstairs to our living room, where they lay on the floor gathered around a beautiful ofrenda. Smiling through falling tears I looked out at the faces of our family members who have passed away over the years. Grandparents, great-grandparents, even my childhood dog.
Sentimental tears turned into a shocked silent sob as I turned from the ofrenda to see Kevin behind me on one knee. He told me how much he loved me, that he couldn’t imagine a day without me, and he thought it was probably about time that we started a journey of becoming our own family together, too.
The “Ofrenda” or Altar that Kevin put together of both of our families. (I’m not crying, YOU’RE crying)
Coming down the stairs from our bedroom the first thing I saw was this trail of petals.
I still didn’t expect him to be waiting there to propose. . . I just thought it was for Día de Muertos!
I was definitely in tears when I took this picture.
I didn’t get to meet most of Kevin’s grandparents; I met his maternal grandmother who we lost a few years later. While most of my grandparents are luckily still with us, he never got to meet my grandfather who was quite special to me. All of a sudden in this moment, alongside our grandparents and great-grandparents, great aunts and uncles and even my childhood dog - we were all together for the first time. They were the ones who got to witness our proposal and watch us begin our journey together. It was really really special.
Last Fall we continued our tradition together for the second year, and built our family ofrenda for Día de Muertos.
It’s something I will look forward to with fondness forever now; it marks the beginning of our holiday season in a really special way.
Our ofrenda is our opportunity to see our passed-on family members each year that will always remind us of our engagement and starting this beautiful chapter together.
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