Wait, Wait ... Start Over!
Y’all it occurs to me lately that I’ve been going about this thing all wrong. Can I get a redo?
And by “this thing” I mean my blog adventure; and by “all wrong”… maybe I’ll take two steps back and amend my statement to a more appropriate one: it occurs to me lately that perhaps I haven’t been going about this thing entirely right?
I confess, I could write about every single new line that Farm Rio releases. I’d also be more than happy to pour over every cool sunken living room conversation pit that the 60s and 70s ever did dream up. These are topics that do in fact “whip me into a verbal frenzy”, to quote Julia Stiles’ character in the beloved 90s/00s film “Ten Things I Hate About You”.
But where I’ve perhaps missed the mark is in not sitting down to write out some of the finer details that drift through my brain like wee wispy cirrus clouds, or not taking more time to share our adventures.
(Remember LiveJournal? Who has two thumbs and remembers that moment vividly? Absolutely me. What would LiveJournal-me from 2005 say to 2022-me today about the lack of self we’ve woven in to our posts and platform here? She’d say to figure that shit out.)
Lately I’ve found that topics will nestle themselves within my thoughts, and I can tell that they want to be written. Thoughts about my late grandfather. Thoughts about the way light is filtered through leaves. Thoughts about obscenities and why they serve me well. Thoughts about the way I cannot hear Kermit the frog sing without crying. (Why is that?)
And I can tell these topics want to be written because certain words and lines get stuck in my head. My brain subconsciously starts the first draft, rearranging words and thoughts over and over.
If I hit a certain arrangement of words it is as though the sentences were music in my head - and I can start to feel a harmony building.
I can get lost in that cerebral first draft. Kevin might look at me and ask, “What are you thinking about?” And I’ll tell him I’m writing something in my head.
Now… What I need to get better at is the practice of stopping whatever else is happening in that moment, and giving myself the space and opportunity to write it out - to work it out; to spit it up, regurgitate the words, and rearrange them until they’re beautiful.
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I never intended for this blog to be an exclusive outlet for all the weird little things I think about.
I never intended it to not be, either.
So here we are. Perhaps this will be my push to myself to start sharing a bit more of me here. Feel free to put on ‘Rainbow Connection’ any time and count how many seconds it takes for my eyes to start tearing up.
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